Another rejection letter. ~heavy eye roll /featuring\ deep sigh~
F U C K.
I want to give up, all the time. There are so many things I want to do but there’s so much clout, so many no’s, so many fucking rejection letters.
How to put all of your best feet forward (yes, all of them) and still get figuratively shat on (and also, how to step back from the ledge-subjectively speaking but maybe it’ll help you out too)
Step 1: Graduate from University
Step 2: Have a resume that showcases your work
Step 3: Go to interviews
Step 4: Realize that said interview is a shitty scummy fake ‘let me sell you this lotion in Costco’ fake *yes this actually happened to me*
Step 5: Cry Internally
Step 6: Cry Externally
Step 7: Drink
Step 8: Write a blog. Because you’re good with words and you’ll be damned if somewhere in the fine print of “blogging” it states “must have 3-7 years experience in blogging to use site”
I hate interviews. They make me sweaty. I’m already a very sweaty woman so the added stress of talking to someone that can either give me money or not freaks me out immensely. I’ve tried imagining I’m going to meet a friend or that their a naked person and all the stupid ideas on how not to freak out at job interviews and none of them work. I just end up rambling about shit I kind of did, with a dry mouth and sweaty armpits.
I hate the concept of interviewing because it’s essentially just a shitty first date…or first dates are shitty interviews. I guess both, but that’s beside the point. Interviews are either one or a number of people who feel important and hold the power of “Na Na Na boo boo I have this thing that you want/need to get by in the world” I’ve got the money, the power, the company, the limited happiness *and stress* that you want but if we don’t hit it off or if you don’t lie enough you don’t get it.
I hate it. If you haven’t noticed by now I’m very bothered by this. I worked my ass off to get through undergrad and was told lies upon lies. From graduating high school and being told that professors couldn’t give a shit less if you’re late or in attendance and don’t care about homework.
They do care A LOT, like too much for any sane person.
I was told that if you study hard go see this person in that office and have this person tutor you and hey go to this dude to read over these papers and make a profile on THIS website that you’ll be fine in the ‘real world’ and you’ll find a job
Bitch, please. News flash, THIS JUST IN: IT’S NOT EASY!
I’m sitting, snacking on grapes listening to Gambino ‘Redbone’ covers, job hunting and blogging…with a lump caught in the back of my throat. A feeling of failure that I can’t shake and regret. I regret not finding an internship down in LA or any other area other than my school. I regret not being harder on myself with my studies. I regret not knowing enough about my major. I regret being anxious all the time, about damn near everything. I regret so much about college and work and this “adult life”.
And I wish I had all the answers, hell I wish anyone had all the answers and just said “here, here’s that career you wanted, the pay you need and the happiness along with it.”
But I assume without all of this regret, all of this rage I have for every fucking rejection letter I get I wouldn’t work so hard to continue to push. I wouldn’t be able to ask for help and know who to lean on when I want to step off my ledge (thank you Parents & Chris for pulling me back–on numerous occasions). I’m still learning how to be positive about this whole cliche ‘struggling millennial’ deal. It drives me up a wall when I see other people my age doing so well and seemingly happy with their craft. And in the same breath it makes me happy because it means eventually I’ll be there too, and so will you.
Step 9: When you feel like it’s time to give up, jump off the ledge or turn around, Don’t.
Step 10: Continue to “look towards the future” someday you will get to that place that so many of us have created in our heads and even then continue to grow.