Failing Adult, Uncategorized

Adulting. Why I’m failing at it and don’t give a damn.

So, hey.

We haven’t formally been introduced, I’m Essence (no last name for security purposes, I guess) aka Essence Syaira aka Essence Sassy aka just Essence.

I’m a twenty-two year old recent graduate with my bachelor’s degree in mass communications. I volunteer and intern and work at a shit retail job. I’m a millennial that absolutely does not have her shit together, but I’m pretty sure I’ve mastered the art of pretending it is; at least on paper I have.

I’ve had breakdowns and I think I’m even starting to go through a small quarter-life crisis. Awesome.


What I want to accomplish with this post is to show the ‘scary-as-shit’ adult life (most) millennials are ‘supposed’ to aspire to.

I don’t have an amazing job that I love, I’m terrified of my volunteer/internship gig not being everything I want it to be in the end, and I don’t know where I’m going.

I don’t have a serious relationship and most of the time I don’t think I want one.

I see so many of my friends in long term relationships and I once wanted just that, but in the end we all want what we can’t have. Which in turn prompted me to not give a damn about relationships, when things are ready to fall into place, they will.

Meeting new people and being exposed to different personalities, cultures, and languages are what I’m starting to fall in love with rather than one person not wanting me. I’d rather be happy about going to see my favorite artist Chaz Bundick aka Toro y Moi, live in concert, finding a new book, or finally booking my trip to France again and forcing myself to speak the language.

I want people in a similar position, who are scared shitlesss of the future to know that someone else is out there freaking out just as hard. Being in this place of not knowing what to do next is slowly but surely pushing me to get out more of my work wherever I can; go out and skate more, save up money to get out and travel more and take more risks when it comes to work.

In the meantime, I’d rather travel and I think that’d be more fun than sitting behind a desk and pretending to smile and greet people who frequent whatever establishment I work for.

I aspire to write stories that I give a shit about, to release material that’s different and exciting that other people think is funny, or intriguing, or ridiculous — as long as they’re reading it and gaining some insight is what I want. I want to write about my experiences that readers can relate too, like I do to so many amazing storytellers. I just want to be happy with what I’m doing and figuring out what I want to do in the meantime is important to me, and finding what interests you is important too.

So, apply to that 6 month internship where you’re forced to go to a different country, create dope ass art that’s got Frida Kahlo or Salvador Dali inspiration written all over it, learn another language and use it on an everyday basis, and stop believing that we were developed in a factory and must be molded into this tiny box that says if you don’t sit and do the same job every single day, the same, that you’re not a functioning adult in society.

Who the hell wants to be an adult anyway? Not even ‘actual’ adults want to be adults.

We’re all just acting anyway. Why not spend your time doing shit you actually find interesting instead of pushing pen to paper scribbling numbers you don’t care about?
We are the generation that is trying to get to some point, and I have a hunch that none of us actually know what the hell that point is, but while we’re all worried about it, why don’t we stop?

Take a  minute to breathe and do whatever makes us happiest and enjoy living, since we all die anyway.


Ilana on Broad City. She is everything.




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